When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
