the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
