i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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