I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
