i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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