Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
