who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
