y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
