I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize