I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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