I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
