dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
