Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize