I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
