I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
