dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
