he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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