I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
