I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
