I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
