If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
