The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
two words: eviction party
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
