She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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