a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
