Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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