don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
