isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
