i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
