i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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