Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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