Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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