The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
