Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
