It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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