You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
