if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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