Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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