he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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