we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
