it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize