Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
