you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found a bag of teeth...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
