You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
