We're facebook friends in real life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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