I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
