My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
