I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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