I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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