The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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