weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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