Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
