They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
