I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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