the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
