Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
