Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
