i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
