can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
