I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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