whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
