i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
