Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
