Is it normal to miss your booty call?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
