He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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