Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
