Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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