Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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