I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
