McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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