i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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