Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
BRING THE BAGELS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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