There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
