Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
