I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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