I wanna passion pit in your ass
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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