I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
