Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
