I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize