I should be sponsored by Trojan
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
