She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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