There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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