I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
