I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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