She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
