i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize