So drunk its hurt
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize