Having a random hookup so left but love u
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
