im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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