your thong is hanging out like whoa
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
