How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
