He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
