if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
