In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
