I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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