i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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