Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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